Magnificent Malevolence by Derek Wilson

Author:Derek Wilson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Lion Hudson
Published: 2013-12-15T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 8

How I Achieved Celebrity Status

(1975–1985)

Inspired by my leadership, the Anti-Charismatic Bureau went from strength to strength. Thanks to our outstanding success in North America I was in great demand as a speaker and seminar leader in other regions. It was as a result of my increasing exposure that I developed my celebrated talents as a public speaker. Many readers will be familiar with such motivational slogans as “Pervert and Publicize” and “Distort and Denounce”. What may not be realized is that I originated them. In recent times rivals and plagiarizers have tried to claim the credit for the pioneer work I carried out in devising techniques for the manipulation of the press and television. It was I who developed MAIM (Moulding and Infecting Media) techniques. I, Crumblewit; no one else!

As I have already intimated, the possibilities of planet-spanning information services fascinated me from the start. In fact, my preoccupation with using the media as a powerful weapon against the church was the cause of my being passed over for a top ministerial post. I had always seen myself as an infernal strategist of the top rank. I had the potential to be a manipulator of human affairs at the highest level. If my advice had been heeded the rivalries between nations would long since have resulted in nuclear devastation. For example, there was an incident known on earth as the “Cuban Missile Crisis”, involving rivalry between two heavily armed nations – the Soviet Union and the United States of America. Thanks to the activities of Hell’s leadership at the time, these countries came within an ace of blowing each other to pieces. That would have been a really splendid triumph. It might have finally given us control of the smouldering remains of the planet. At the very least it would have been one in the eye for the enemy. I wrote a paper describing in precise terms how to sustain the self-destructive impetus. Unfortunately, at the time, I lacked the contacts which would have brought my ideas to the attention of the Low Command. As a result the opportunity was missed. Our leaders allowed the enemy to drag his darlings back from the edge of the abyss by the scruff of their necks.

I could have achieved the lowest possible depths of infernal government had I not been such a brilliant exponent of media manipulation. I realize now that I have Squimblebag to thank for my career getting stuck in a rut. He was one of the few senior devils who recognized – and therefore feared – my full potential. It was he who steered me in the direction of developing unique knowledge of human communication systems and it was his patronage which brought me to the attention of the Low Command. At the time I assumed that he had Hell’s interests and mine at heart. I later realized that he was determined to sideline me. Oh, what I could have achieved… 5

However, I can claim to have done Hell considerable service in the important area of frustrating some of the enemy’s major plans.

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